Body Language
by xamandaishotx
Summary: Delia McKenzie is a girl with many problems. She don't know what to do, but she ends up find just what she needs. RR NO FLAMES COMPLETE!
1. Girl You Know It's True

**Body Language**

**Chapter 1: Girl you know It's True**

I sat in front of the house that the person who claims to be my sister bought for us.

I turn and look at my sister. "I can't believe you're doing this to me."

She comes and sits next to me. "Delia. I am your sister and your legal guardian, so I can move you to wherever I want to."

"But Clarke, why _CANADA?_ Why not Connecticut, Maine, even New Jersey! Why _CANADA!?_"

"Delia, I never thought of you a Jersey Girl. My job moved me here, you know that. Plus, Marcus and I want to live together now that we're..." Clarke sighs. "Engaged." I feel like puking, she makes me so sick all lovey dovey and BLEGH.

Marcus comes out of the house and says, "Toronto won't be so bad, I promise." I roll my eyes. I've known the guy 8 months; does he really expect me to trust him? I think the only reason why Clarke is going to marry Marcus is because he's rich. Filthy rich. He's Marcus Kent, of the Massachusetts Kent Avenue fame. His family has a TON of money.

I shake my head and start grabbing boxed to load into the house.


	2. Push It

**Chapter 2: Push It**

I sat in Clarke's Mercedes- Benz outside of Degrassi Community School.

"You've got nothing to be afraid of, Delia. No one here knows. Go in and get it over with."

"Whatever Clarke. I'll see you later." I step out of the car and walk into Degrassi.

I look at the numbers on the lockers to find locker number 1429. When I arrive at my locker, there is a guy with straight black hair talking to a punk looking girl with red hair.

"Excuse me," I say, trying to get to my locker.

"Oh. Sorry," the red haired girl said. "Cool shirt."

I look down and see my The Sticks shirt. "Oh. Thanks. You like The Sticks too? Not many people have heard of them. I'm Delia."

"Ellie. And this is Marco."

"Hey." I look at my schedule. "My homeroom is the um... Media Immersion Room, whatever that is. Do you know where that is?" I ask.

"Yeah, my homeroom is there too. We can walk over there together," Marco says, linking elbows with mine. "See you later Ellie!"

Marco and I walk down the hallway together.

"So, Delia, where are you from?"

"Massachusetts. Don't ask me why, it's my sister's crazy rich boyfriend."

"Oh... right." Marco looks confused as we walk into the Media Immersion Room and takes a seat. I hand the card the office had given me to the teacher.

"Oh, welcome Delia McKenzie. I'm Mr. Simpson, and you can take the seat next to Gavin. Gavin, please raise your hand." A guy with short curly hair raised his hand limply. I sit down next to him and he looks at me and grunts.

"You'll have to excuse Spinner. He's not good in the morning, especially when school starts." The blonde girl next to him said, looking at him lovingly.

"Really. That's amazing." I say sarcastically.

"Yea. I know you're Delia, and I bet you're wondering what my name is, right?"

"Not really." I replied.

She ignores me and says, "It's Paige."

"Oh... Paige?"

"Yes?"

"Please stop talking."

"Ugh... What's your damage?"

"Um... I hate Canada, I really don't want to be here, and I'm really not in the mood to make friends, okay?"

"Well sorry." I turn toward the computer and log onto my username and look around for a bit. I notice there's a section where you can write a journal, a section for email and a section for instant messages. I start writing my journal when an instant message pops up.

overXposed: Hey, I'm Craig.

Xblackpixie: Delia. So Craig, where are you?

overXposed: Right behind you and to the left.

I turn around and look. Craig looks at me and grins and waves his fingers. I blush and turn around.

Xblackpixie: Oh. So, Craig. Why do you have some random girl with red hair glaring at you?

overXposed: Oh, that's Ashley, my ex-girlfriend. She has something against me.

Xblackpixie: what'd you do?

overXposed: cheated on her.

Xblackpixie: nice.

overXposed: I guess. You seem like a cool person... do you wanna eat lunch with me?

Xblackpixie: sure, I guess.


	3. Come On Eileen

**Chapter 3: Come On Eileen **

The bell rings and I meet up with Marco at our lockers.

"So, Delia, what class do you have next?"

"Biology with Ms.Hatsolackos."

"Cool...Wait, Bio? But you're in Grade 11."

"Yea, but I failed it at my old school, so I'm taking 10th Grade Bio. Again."

"Oh, that sucks."

"So, can you tell me where Ms. Hatzilakos's room is?"

"Yea, go all the way down this hallway and turn. It'll be the third room on your left." I thanked him and closed my locker.

I arrived at Ms. Hatzilakos's room with time to spare. She looked at me in surprise, like she couldn't believe I was there and told me to sit wherever I wanted. I sat down and pulled out my notebook and started writing.

'_I opened the fire door to four lips_

_None of which were mine_

_Kissing _

_Pack my belt around my hips_

_Where your hands were missing_

_Step out into the cold_

_Collar high under the sleep-ridden sky_

_Everyone was smoking, the streets were dry_

_And I wasn't joking when I said goodbye'_

"Hi." A blonde haired girl standing over me said.

"Hi."

"I'm Emma." Emma took a seat next to me. "Are you new?"

"Yea. I'm Delia."

"I heard that there was a new kid in 11th grade, but I guess they're not here."

"I'm in 10th Grade... I failed Bio at my old school and I have to take it over again here."

"Oh. Hey J.T!" She waved a short boy with curly brown hair over. A boy with a short hair and glasses followed him.

"Hey Emma, How're y-u- Who's this?" He says, looking at me.

"I'm Delia McKenzie. It's nice to meet you." I say, sticking my hand out.

"J.T. Yorke." He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles.

"Oooh, Mr. Suave." I say, laughing.

"Hello." A voice behind me says.

I turn around and see a girl with long dark hair wearing too tight jeans and a pink belly shirt. "Hello." I say.

"Oh, J.T., I missed you sooo much over the summer! Did you have a good time in Agosta?"

J.T. glared at the girl and said, "Hamilton. I went to Hamilton this summer. I heard about you messing around with Alex, anyway."

"I did not! Ugh, J.T., who do you think I am?"

"Manuela Santos, slut and ex-mother."

Manuela goes and sits down and bows her head down.

"What was that all about?" I ask.

"That's Manny Santos. She used to be really nice and sweet until she changed her image because she thought she was too 'cute and adorable'," Emma said. "She tricked a guy into cheating on his girlfriend with her and she got pregnant and had an abortion last year, J.T. went out with her for about half a second."

"Really?"

"Yea, really. What was I thinking?" J.T. said.

After class was over I walked back to my locker to see Craig leaning against it.

"Hey Craig."

"Hey Riley. Were you just talking to J.T Yorke?"

"Yea, he's really cool. He's in my Biology class." I say, taking out my English notebook and dropping my song notebook on the floor.

"What's this?" Craig says, picking it up.

"Nothing," I say, grabbing it from him. "It's nothing, just something I need. Sorry."

"What class do you have next?"

"English III with Mrs. Kwan."

"Oh, me too. Shall I walk Ms. McKenzie to class?" Craig says.

"It'll be your pleasure." I say, grinning.

On our way to lunch after class was over, Craig walks me to my locker.

"Delia?"

"Yup?"

"Um... do you um... wanna go out this Friday?"

"Sorry Craig, I really like you but I'm not really interested in having a boyfriend this year... I'd rather just be friends."

"Oh. Okay. Ready for lunch?"


	4. I Think We're Alone Now

**Chapter 4: I Think we're Alone Now**

J.T. asked me out 3 days later, and I said yes by accident. He asked me when I wasn't paying attention at all. He picked me up that Friday at my house.

"You guys be careful, okay? Be home by eleven." Clarke called, even though she probably wouldn't be home when I got home since she and Marcus are going out to dinner with Marcus's boss.

"Sorry about her, she's kind of overprotective since me and Marcus are all she has."

"It's okay; I actually thought it was kind of sweet."

I blush and we walk to the movie theatre.

"J.T.! I can't believe we got kicked out of the movie theatre!"

"I didn't think those gummy bears we threw on the ceiling would come down!"

"Neither did I but when they did, I think I lost it then. And then there were the Milk Duds..."

J.T. laughed and said, "I didn't know they would stick to people's heads! And it's not my fault that guy was balding!"

I giggled and asked, "What should we do now?"

"You wanna go to the park? It's only nine-thirty." So we walked to the park.

I jump on the swings and J.T. sits on the swing next to me and we swing together. When he gets high enough, he jumps off and starts teasing me about being to chicken to jump off, so I jump off and stick my tongue out at him and he starts chasing me.

We finally stop and lay down in the grass.

"J.T., look at the sky! It's amazing... it looks like a black canvas with white paint splattered on it. Like a Jackson Pollock painting." I sit up and look.

"Yea... it's really something." I turn my head to look at him. He is now sitting up, holding his body up with his arms. I look up again.

"Sure is." I look at him and he's leaning into me. I lean into him also and close my eyes and kiss him.

'What am I doing?' I think. 'Delia, you can't do this. You're just going to get your heart broken like the times before that, no one has ever really had a crush on you, they just felt bad for you, or you were just a bet. You're crazy!'

"Delia..." J.T. says after a few seconds. "Are you okay?"

"No. I'm sorry J.T., I can't do this." I get up and run away.

Little did I know that there was someone who saw it all.


	5. Pour Some Sugar On Me

**Chapter 5: Pour Some Sugar on Me**

I walk into school Monday with pink tips on my hair, a white Sex Pistols shirt with black and pink lettering, pants that start at the top black and fade all the way to the bottom till the bottom was pink, and one black Converse shoe and one pink Converse shoe.

I walk to my locker and open it and once it's open, it's shut again.

"Craig? What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong, you slut?" his words pierced my heart. "You lied to me! I saw you making out in the park with J.T. on Friday. You won't go out with me, but you'll go out with J.T.?"

"But- Craig- you don't"

"I don't what? I don't have what J.T. has? I bet you went home and had sex with him, didn't you. Because you're a slut and a whore. You told me you didn't like Manny because you thought she was two-faced and tried too hard to be Christina Aguilera. Manny isn't like Christina Aguilera, you are, you slut." I slap him and run into the girl's bathroom.

I'm sitting in one of the stalls, when I hear two voices calling my name.

"Delia? It's Ellie and Hazel. Are you okay?"

"Does it _seem_ like I'm okay?"

"I guess not."

"Delia, please come out, we want to talk to you."

"Why? So you guys can call me nasty names too?"

"No! We want to help. Craig was completely out of line." I reluctantly come out of the bathroom and lean against the sinks.

"Craig's right, you know. I am a slut and a whore."

"No you're not."

"How would you know? Did for 9 years of your life, did your father molest you and tell you that it was love, that anything else was bull? Did you fear going to bed at night because you knew that your father was going to come in and touch you, and tell you that if you ever told your mother, that he would kill you and your only sister? Did your mom come in when you were 14 to get your laundry and you just happened to be changing your clothes and did she happen to see the bruises on your legs? Did your mother and yourself scream, cry, and yell at your father later that night? Did your mother just happen to kill your father? Did your mother claim permanent insanity in court and get put in a mental institution and happen to just kill herself while she was there? Did you run to the person you thought was your friend's house the night your mother shot your father and tell her everything? Did your friend tell the whole school about you? Did everyone start calling you 'daddy's little whore' and slut and slag and the worst names possible? Did your perfect sister and her perfect fucking fiancée come and rescue and take you from the one place where you were truly happy to a hellhole? No, I don't think so, because you guys are living fucking Polly Pure lives in your fucking Polly Pure town. Understand?"

"Wow." Ellie said. "Just. Wow."

"I'm so sorry." Hazel said to me.

"Don't be. It's unnecessary."

"Craig is a rat. No, he's fleas on rats. No, He's amoebas on fleas on rats. He's-"

"I get it, Hazel." I splash some water on my face and dry my face off and apply some more eyeliner.

"What you need, is a night with the girls. Come on, I'm having Paige, Ashley, and Hazel over for a girls night. How 'bout you come too?"

"I wouldn't want to impose..."

"You wouldn't be! We can swap 'Craig is a slimeball' stories. Come tonight, please?"

"Fine. I'm gonna be late for homeroom if I don't go now. You guys?"

"Yea?" they replied in unison.

"Thanks. Was everyone staring?"

"Not really. No one was there except..." Hazel said.

"Oh no, J.T."

So we walk out of the bathroom together.


	6. Endless Love

**Chapter 6: Endless Love**

I glare at Craig as I take my seat between Marco and Spinner. Spinner touches my hair and says, "Cool. How long'd it take for you to do that?" I was amazed. Spinner had said less than 2 words to me this year, so I was in shock.

"Only 2 hours or so... it was confusing though, my sister decided to do hers blue."

"Cool."

"Delia. Can I talk to you?" Marco asks.

"If it's about Craig Manning, no. but other wise, yea."

"Never mind then." I grin and turn towards the computer. As an instant message popped up.

OverXposed: Delia

Xblackpixie: go to hell.

OverXposed: I'm sorry. I overreacted.

Xblackpixie: sorry my ass. You over-reacted, all right.

OverXposed: Delia, please talk to me. Give me 1 minute to talk and explain myself.

Xblackpixie: fine. Call me after school.

Another instant message popped up

tHeJoKeR: you okay?

Xblackpixie: yup

tHeJoKeR: so why'd you run away Fri?

Xblackpixie: I'll tell you later.

tHeJoKeR: promise?

Xblackpixie: promise. Ttyl. Bell's about to ring.


	7. Rapper's Delight

**Chapter 7: Rapper's Delight**

I wait for J.T. outside at the end of the day. He meets me and grins. We walk home.

"You were going to tell me why you ran away."

"Oh. Yea. Well, my father used to sexually abuse me, so when the kids at school found out, all the boys thought I was easy, so they would only ask me out on dates to see if they could have sex with me, and also one boy only asked me out because he bet his friends 50 bucks that he could get in my pants by the end of the night. I guess that swore me off of boys for a little while."

"Oh. So you thought I was only going on this date with you because..."

"Yeah."

"I would never do that." I smirked at him. 'Manny' I thought. "that's just plain mean. Don't look at me with that face! I know I went out with Manny, worst mistake of my life."

"You're so cute!"

"Yea... Um, Delia?"

"yes?"

"Would you be my girlfriend? I mean, if this is going to fast then we don't have to, It's just that I really really like you and-"

"J.T. you're babbling. As for you're first question, nothing would make me happier!" He grins and kisses me.

"J.T.?"

"Yes?"

"We're at my house."

"Oh... see you tomorrow. I- I- I love you."

"I love you too. Good night, J.T."

I run into the house, yell hello to Clarke, and run upstairs into my room.

"YESS!!" I squeal, not only because I have my first real boyfriend, but because my posters came! I start arranging the posters of my favorite movies and singers, like _The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Say Anything..._, The Beatles, Ani DiFranco, _Moulin Rouge, Trainspotting, Breakfast at Tiffany's_, Ewan McGregor, Jude Law, Kurt Cobain, and a Parental Advisory Poster to put on my door. I did a little dance in my room and ran to get the heavy- duty tape.

I was halfway done when my phone rang. The caller ID said 'Jeremiah, Joseph'.

"Who is Joseph Jeremiah and why is he calling me?" I wondered out loud before picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is Delia there? This is Craig."

"This is she."

"Oh, hey Delia. It's Craig."

"I've fully processed that, Craig."

"Right." He chuckles nervously.

"You're minute will start..." I look at my watch. "Right... now!"

"Delia, listen, I'm really sorry about everything I said today, I guess I just got jealous and snapped. I just don't want to be alone, and you're the only girl in school who doesn't hate me for some reason. I really like you and-"

"30 second warning," I say, interrupting him.

"and I don't want you to be hurt about what I said today, because I wasn't thinking. I'm okay with us just being friends, but-"

"15 second warning,"

"but I'll always want more Delia, and even if you can't return the favor then that's okay. I just want you to know that I can't stand us being apart, me not talking to you, you make me so happy."

"Well that's just dine and fandy, but at the way things are looking now, I can't forgive you, Craig. Because you hit a sensitive emotion, one that you'll never understand, okay? Good night." I hang up the phone, but I can hear Craig say, "Please don't do this." And I ignore it.

Because I am a cold hearted bitch.


	8. Like A Virgin

**Chapter 8: Like A Virgin **

I walk outside and see the best sight ever- a red Ford Escape with black leather seating. I screamed and ran to Marcus, who was waiting outside the car.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you! This is exactly what I need!"

"Yea, now that we're living in Toronto your sister thought you might want to get out of the house some times."

"Duh. So it's mine, right?"

"Yes, unless you start failing your classes. We have another present for you. He reached into the car and picked up the cutest little black and white puppy.

"She's all yours." I take her into my arms.

"Thank you, Marcus. This is really great."

I walk inside with my puppy and decide to name her Cobain, after Kurt Cobain, my idol.

My phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Delia? It's Ellie. Um, I don't know if you remembered, but I'm having a girl's night tonight and you're invited."

"Oh, yea. I'll come if you can give me directions to your house I can be there in twenty."

She gives me directions and I hang up. I throw some nail polish and face masks into a bag and get into my new car. I stop and run back inside my house and put another pill in the drawer on my bureau and go back outside.

I arrive at Ellie's house at the same time Paige does. She looks at me and says, "Cool car."

"Thanks." We knock on Ellie's door together.

"Delia? Do you think maybe you can give me a ride home?" Ashley said at the end of the night.

"Sure." I get in the car and turn it on.

"You know Craig?" Ashley says.

"Yup? Just wondering, but what happened between you two?"

"He cheated on me last year and the girl got pregnant."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It kind of put me into sort of a depression last year."

"The pregnant girl... was her name Manny?"

"Yes!"

"I really don't like her."

"Turn here. I don't like her either. No one really does because of her reputation. Craig isn't doing so well either."

"Oh... which one's your house?"

"The next one on the left. Thanks for the ride."

"Welcome. See you tomorrow."

I waited in the car until Ashley was inside and put the car in reverse. I drive out until I get to the end of her street and screamed, "Oh, SHIT."


	9. Material Girl

**Chapter 9: Material Girl**

It was at 5:45 the next morning three weeks later that I decided that today was the day. I pulled on my black jeans and pink _Trainspotting_ shirt and thought about how J.T. and I had been going out happily for a month, I had friends, but I still wasn't happy. I went to my bureau and pulled out one of the drawers and turned it over and counted the pills inside, found out I had 50. I placed them in a bag; put the bag in my backpack, ran downstairs to get a can of Red Bull, and walked out to my car. I pulled up and parked and walked into Degrassi.

"Hey, babe." J.T. comes up and puts his arm around my waist and kisses my cheek.

"Hey. Did you have a good time with Toby last night?"

"Yeah... I missed you more though."

"Aw... I missed you too. I went to bed at, like, 7:30 last night, I was so tired."

J.T. kisses my cheek and says, "I have to ask Paige something about tomorrow. I'll talk to you later." He kisses my cheek and walks away. I lean against my locker and sigh happily.

"I guess you're happy." I turn to my left and see Marco looking sad.

"What's wrong?"

"Dylan's transferring to the University of Toronto, so that means I'll get to see him less and less."

I give Marco a hug and say, "even if Dylan's leaving, it doesn't mean he's gonna forget about you, okay? So stop worrying about it!" He hugs me back. I shut my locker and run to the bathroom.

I lay every pill out and take them two at a time. By the time I'm done, it's time for homeroom to start. I run out of the bathroom and take 3 ballet leaps into the air and I'm there on time.

"Impressive," A voice behind me says, I turn around and it's Craig. "Did you dance before?"

I ignore him.

"Delia, please talk to me." I turn around in my seat and stare at him but don't say a word. I get up to leave when class ends, I feel sort of woozy. I head to my locker and get my Biology notebook and Craig is there.

"Craig, please leave me alone."

"Delia, I want us to be friends."

"You don't understand how you hurt me, Craig."

He grabs my arm and says, "I want to, Delia! Why must you hide yourself from all of us?"

"Leave me alone. I have to get to class." I wiggle my arm out of his grasp and walk away.

I go to Biology and since I'm the first one there, I pull out my song notebook and look at the song I wrote before and add to it.

'_I opened the fire door to four lips_

_None of which were mine_

_Kissing _

_Pack my belt around my hips_

_Where your hands were missing_

_Step out into the cold_

_Collar high under the sleep-ridden sky_

_Everyone was smoking, the streets were dry_

_And I wasn't joking when I said goodbye_

_There were _

_Magazine quality men _

_Talking on the corner_

_French, no less, much lesser then than us_

_So why do I feel like- feel like_

_Something's been re-rearranged_

_You know, taken out of context _

_I must seem so strange_

_I killed a _

_Cockroach so big_

_It left a puddle of pus on my wall_

_When you and I are lying in bed you don't_

_You don't you don't seem so tall_

_And I'm singing now_

_Because my tear ducts are too tired_

_And my _

_Mind is disconnected but my_

_Heart is wired'_

"Hey!" I jump and scream lightly. Sean Cameron is sitting next to me.

"You scared me." 'What is he doing?' I think. 'He's never spoken a word to me, what does he want?'

"I just wanted to say Hi. I've just wanted to talk to you since you're friends with my girlfriend."

"Oh... right."

"So, I'll see you later, I guess."

"Yea, later." I feel dizzy as J.T. sits down next to me. "Hi J.T."

"Hi babe! Um... did you do your homework?"

"Yes, and you can copy if you want to." I say, handing it to him and becoming woozy. 'I feel like I'm going to pass out,' I think. 'finally, I can leave this earth and be alone and be away from everyone and everything.' I raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom.

When I'm in the hallway, Craig comes out of Mr. Armstrong's room just as I pass it.

"Delia?"

"What?"

"Are you okay? You're walking funny."

I am so dizzy, I'm not surprised, but I turn around. "have you ever had that voice in the back in your head who tells you not to do something? Your conscience, I think it's called. Well, I heard that talking to me while I was in the bathroom... when I was..."

"When you were what?" then, I blacked out.


	10. Don't You Forget About Me

**Chapter 10: Don't You Forget About Me **

I'm sitting in a hospital. There are doctors staring at me- oh wait, there's only one, I was just dizzy.

"Oh, finally. You're awake." The doctor said. "You've got friends here waiting for you. I'll send them in three at a time, okay?"

"Sure." Marco, Paige, and Spinner all come in, and it's obvious they've all been crying. I pick at my blanket, trying not to look at them.

"Hi," Paige says finally. "How're you doing?"

"Okay, I guess. I barely remember anything."

"Why'd you do it?" I snap my head up at Spinner's comment.

"I don't know."

"Delia... are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay? Now that you've all asked questions, send in the next people, for my interrogation." They slip out, and Paige starts crying again. Emma, Chris, and Toby come in.

"Hi you guys."

"Delia! I was so worried."

"Emma, it's not that bad."

"Yes, it is, Delia! You could have DIED."

"Yea, but I didn't. And it SUCKS. I really don't want to see anyone right now, but everyone just keeps coming right on in! GAH."

"Okay, we'll leave. We're sorry to have bothered you." And they leave, and can hear Emma crying also. Ashley, Ellie, and Hazel come in and sit on the bed.

"Jeez, did everyone leave school or something? Is everyone here?"

"All of your friends, yea." Hazel says.

"Delia, you have really fucked it up now." Ellie comments.

"I know. EVERYTHING is my fault. I'm just fucking crazy. I just fucked everything over, haven't I?"

"No, of course not. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I meant that practically the whole school is out there crying, and they're dreadfully worried about you."

"Whoopdeedoo for them, then."

"Delia!" Ashley says, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"What? I'm just going to turn into my mother; my sister doesn't give a damn about me, all she cares about what color roses we should have for the wedding. What story does that tell you?"

"you don't need to try to kill yourself for attention, Delia."

"Just- go, okay? Just Go."

J.T. comes in, takes one look at me, and runs out of the room. I sigh as Craig walks in.

"Go away."

"Delia, we need to talk."

"Why? So you can call me a whore some more? Call me a slut?"

"No. You said something a few months ago, you said that I hit a sensitive emotion, that I'd never understand. What did you mean?"

"Nothing. I meant nothing." I roll over in my bed.

"It's your dad, isn't it."

"What?"

"I overheard Ellie and Hazel talking about it... Delia, I understand."

""I know about your dad, Craig. Everyone knows. I don't need yours or anyone else's sympathy. Now, tell me, Craig. Why did you get mad when I went out with J.T. instead of you?"

"Delia-"

"Were you jealous, Craig? Or were you mad? Mad that I turned you down and went out with someone you- well, you think is lower than you on your scale?"

"Please, Delia-"

"I know guys like you Craig. They think they're the shit, think they can never be turned down, think they're the gods of the world. And you're mad that I turned you down. You've never been turned down in your life, have you, Craig?"

Craig gets up and looks at me, tears welling up in his eyes. "Just remember this, Delia. I liked you first."

I turn over and ignore him.

"And I will do anything to get you back." And he leaves. I see my red notebook on the table next to me and grab it and a pen and start writing down lyrics to my favorite song from my favorite movie.

'I

Follow the night

Can't stand the light

When will I begin

To live

Again?

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

What more could your love do for me

When will love be

Through with me

Why live life

From dream to dream

And dread the day

When dreaming

Ends

One day I'll fly away

Leave all this to yesterday

Why live life

From dream to dream

And dread the day

When dreaming

Ends

One day

I'll fly away

Fly

Fly

Away'

And wait. For this all to be over.


	11. Our Lips Are Sealed

**Chapter 11: Our Lips are Sealed**

I was still in the hospital three weeks later, in the psychiatric ward, being evaluated to see if I needed to stay longer. J.T. visited every other day, telling me stories of what was going on at school, but never asking me what was going on with Craig and me, we never talked about not talking. Ellie visited occasionally, sometimes alone, sometimes with Sean or Ashley. Hazel visited too and brought me makeup and flowers.

Meanwhile, at school, things were going on that J.T. didn't tell me about. Craig was on a mission.

"Ellie." Craig comes up behind her at her locker.

"Craig."

"I need your help."

"Why should I help you? You're the ex-boyfriend of my best friend."

"Come on, please?"

"Fine. I'm guessing this is about Delia."

"It is. You're really close to her, I need you to tell me everything about her- what she likes, what she doesn't like, what she likes for dinner, what she likes á la carte."

"I'll type it up for you and have it for you by the end of the day. And Craig?"

"Yes?"

"Don't tell anyone I'm doing this for you." Ellie walks away.

At the end of the day she handed him a sheet of paper that said this:

Delia Blair McKenzie:

Born: May 23, 1988

Favorite Movie: Moulin Rouge

Favorite Actor: Ewan McGregor or Jude Law

Favorite Actress: Molly Ringwald

Siblings: Sister, Clarke

Favorite Color: White

Favorite Band: The Beatles, Nirvana

Favorite Female Singer: Ani DiFranco

"Thank you, Ellie. I needed this."

"Craig... you're wasting your time. She's desperately in love with J.T."

"Yea... but she digs me, I can tell."

"Cocky, are we?"


	12. My Sharona

**Chapter 12: My Sharona**

I sat in my hospital bed, doing my math homework when I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I say, not looking up.

"Hey," Craig says, leaning into me and kissing both of my cheeks.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came to give you this," he says, handing me a package.

"Thanks." I open the wrapping paper and see a huge box of chocolates and the movie _A Life Less Ordinary_. "Craig! Thanks so much. I've never seen this one."

"I hoped you would like it."

"Now let me ask you... why are you here?"

"I miss you at school."

"I don't miss you here. I just miss my boyfriend and my friends."

"You miss me. I see the way you stared at me during English and Homeroom. You dig me, I can tell." He says, leaning into me.

"Craig, you're scaring me."

"You scared me, when you passed out. Where was your J.T. when you passed out? Oh, that's right, he was in class, he didn't even know did he. You came to me, I caught you when you fell, you like me! You love me, just except it!" He pinned my shoulders down and kissed me on the lips while I hit him on the chest and tried to get him off of me, my screams being muffled. He finally lets go of me, a grin on his face.

"Get. Out."

"You're good, playing hard-to-get? It's cute, gives me a chase."

"**_I said get out!_**" I scream.

"Is everything alright?" a nurse comes in.

"No. Please get him out of here." The nurse looks at Craig and tilts her head out of the room. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow, and walks out.


	13. It's My Life

**Chapter 13: Its My Life**

I got out of the hospital a week later with a new psychiatrist and a Lexapro prescription. I was sitting in the car, dreading going back to school, I'd stayed home two days after I got out of the hospital.

"Delia, , just get going. It's been a month. You're ready."

"Whatever." I get out of the car, sigh, and walk into school.

Everyone was staring at me, I walked over to Emma and J.T at my locker and said, "Did someone die?"

"Delia! You're... back."

"Don't be so excited to see me, Emma."

"Well, it's for first day back since... you know, and people are really uncomfortable around you."

"It's expected." I put my stuff in my locker and grabbed my song notebook and shut my locker. "I'm a freak now, but I don't really care. People expect me to spaz out at them, but I'm not gonna unless they really piss me off. Come on, J.T. walk me to homeroom."

"I missed seeing your beautiful eyes everyday. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm happy you're back."

I grin and say, "Thanks cutie. I needed that." I kiss him on the lips and tell him to get to class and walk into the Media Immersion room. There's a big sign that says, "WELCOME BACK DELIA" on it and there's balloons and a cake. Everyone's there, Emma, all the kids from grade 11, Sean, Toby, and J.T.

"Oh, Christ." I say as everyone attacks me gives me a hug. "Oh, you guys... I don't know what to say!"

"Don't say anything... just cut this cake I'm hungry." Spinner says.

"Aww Spin." Paige says, while I go over to the cake and cut it.

Ellie gives me a hug and says, "Ashley drove me crazy while you were away."

I laugh and say as we sit down, "Why?"

"She was bitching and moaning about how she doesn't have a boyfriend, and how she desperately need one, but no one else likes her, no one will like her as much as Jimmy and Craig did. Craig. HA!"

"She pressured him into telling her he loves her... no wonder Craig cheated on her." We sit down and I tell her about what Craig did. By the time I'm done, Hazel and Paige have started listening to the whole story.

"Oh, my." Paige says.

"I can't believe him." Hazel says.

"That was LOW."

"I know. Now I'm afraid to be alone anywhere because you never know what he could do."

"We'll help." Paige gets up and goes over to Craig. "Craig- if I EVER see you talking to my friend Delia again, I will come and find you and... well, I don't know what I'll do but it will be bad."

Craig looks at me and says, "What does Delia say about this?"

I stand up and get in Craig's face and say, "If you ever touch or speak to me again, I will HURT you." I turn around and sit back down next to Ellie.


	14. I Wanna Dance With Somebody

**Chapter 14: I Wanna Dance With Somebody**

I'd asked Ellie, Paige, Emma, Spinner, J.T., Marco, Hazel, Ashley, Sean, Dylan, and Toby to my house on Saturday. On Friday, I invited Emma to sleepover my house.

"Come on." We'd been sitting in my room watching _Say Anything..._ and I'd gotten up and sorted through my closet.

"What? What are you doing?"

"We're sneaking out. Going dancing at that new teen club down in Dreo."

"Seriously?"

I pull out a white tank top and throw it at her. "I'm not one to kid. I'm gonna choose our outfits, you look in that container and pull out a case that has random words on it."

I pull out a pink tube top with black graffiti on it and white pants with the lyrics to Venus On Furs' 'Baby's On Fire' on them and pull out a white tank top with bands such as Oasis, and Jane's Addiction written on them in blue, blue skirt, and white fishnets. I toss the blue outfit to Emma and go into my closet to change. When we're ready I exited the closet to do my makeup. I do Emma's makeup first. I give her white eyeliner and blue eyeliner and put blue lipstick on her, and powder white glitter onto her whole face and her lips. She takes my body powder and powders her whole body. I started putting my makeup on, I put black crème eye shadow and put cosmetic glitter over it, so it sticks. Then I put white lipstick on also and powder pink gitter on my face.

"Ready?" I say, opening my window.

"Of course." I grab my clutch and we climb out the window and shimmy down the towers. We head out to my car and drive to J.T.'s apartment complex and park, then I take out my phone and dial his number.

"Hello Gorgeous. I thought you were with Emma tonight."

"Hey baby. Get up and come outside. Never mind why, just do it!"

"I love it when you talk dirty to me. I'll be downstairs in a few." I laugh and hang up.

"He's on his way." I see him come downstairs and look surprised at seeing us in the car. "Come on!"

He runs and gets into the car. "Hello ladies. Delia, you look... wow."

I laugh and say, "We're going to that new teen club! Whoo!"

We drive to the club and get in immediately. Emma goes off and dances with kids she knew from camp, and J.T. and I dance together, and then someone tapped me on the back.

"Nice look." Manny says.

"Thanks. MODESTY is really in right now; dressing like Christina Aguilera is very out."

"Oh... really? I'll have to look into that." Craig comes up behind her and she turns around. "Craig! I can't believe you made it! I though you weren't coming."

Craig looks at me and says, "Yeah, I made it. Wanna dance?" He and Manny go off and I turn back around and dance some more while Craig and Manny plot.

"Why do you want to dance with me, Craig? Aren't you into Delia?"

"Yea, and I know that you're into J.T., so I need your help."

"I think I know what you're thinking." So they plan.


	15. Don't You Want Me Like I Want You

**Chapter 15: Don't You Want Me (Like I Want You)**

Emma and I go back to my house and sneak back upstairs and finish _Say_ _Anything..._ and watch _Down With Love _and go to bed. The next day, Ellie and I go to the movies with Marco and Dylan, and then we all head back to my house.

"Clarke! I'm home with friends!"

"Hello Delia! Come introduce me to your friends." She calls to me from the kitchen.

We walk into the kitchen and I introduce them. "We're gonna be in my room. We'll keep the door open if you want." She nods her head and says, "you don't need to. I'll send your friends up when they come. Marcus and I are going to meet with the wedding planner tonight about the music. We'll be back around eleven." I wave and we walk upstairs.

"Was that Marcus Kent in your living room?" Dylan asks.

"Yup... my sister's fiancée."

"She's young to be getting married. What is she, 19, 20?"

"She's eleven years older than me... she was a fling between my parents before they got married and had me."

"Right..."

"Yea, confusing." I climb up onto my loft bed and they sit down on my sofa bed.

"Your room is HUGE, Delia! I love your posters... especially the Jude Law one." Ellie says.

"Me too." Marco says, and Dylan hits him as Sean, Paige, Spinner, and J.T. all walk in.

"Something going on that we should know about?" Paige says.

"Not really. J.T., come sit next to me!" I say as J.T. climbs up.

Paige bends down and looks at my movie collection. "What's... _Shallow Grave_?"

"Ewan McGregor... You wouldn't like that one... you'd probably like _A Life Less Ordinary_... all the movies are in alphabetical order." I lean over and kiss J.T. on the lips.

"What was that for?"

"You're hot." I lean in and kiss him again, harder and longer. We lean back on my bed and make out.

Ashley, Hazel, and Toby all come in and see us and say, "Whoa baby!"

Paige puts in_ A Life Less Ordinary and_ they sit and watch until they get hungry and complain.

I pause in kissing J.T. to say, "go into the kitchen and look around. I think Anaheid is still here, she can make you anything you want."

"Anaheid?" Ashley asks.

"My nanny. She's been my nanny since I was like 7." They all head downstairs and I look at J.T. "You have lip gloss all over your face." I grab a tissue and give it to him.

"Thanks. How're you doing?"

"Okay, I guess." I look at my hands. "My sister hid all the pills from me. I'm not even allowed to take an aspirin without someone giving it to me. Hold on." I reach over to the intercom and press the button. "You guys! Bring me strawberries."

J.T. laughs and says, "Bring fruit snacks too!"

"Get your asses down here if you want food!" Spinner says.

"Spinner... I know about your little-"

"Fine fine I'll bring you food. Shut up now please." I let go of the button and giggle and J.T. and I kiss somemore.

"Gah, can't you guys go 5 minutes without sucking face?" Ellie says, coming in with a bowl of chips and a tray of cookies. We don't answer her.

At Eleven when everyone's gone, i am cleaning up my room when the phone rings.

"Delia."

"Craig, never call my house again. I told you, I never want to speak to you again."

"Delia, can I please come over, just to talk to you."

"No!"

"Please."

"Fine." I say, giving in. "But you're not allowed to touch me at all."

"Okay. I'll be over in 10." I put the phone down and pick it back up and dial.

"Sean? can you come over?"


	16. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Hit Me With Your Best Shot**

I open the door and say, "I'm SCREWED."

"What? What's going on?" Sean says, coming in.

"Craig is on his way over! I don't know what to do, I have no idea if he's gonna try something, so i need you to hide in the dining room and watch and see if he tries anything."

"I'm missing Wrestlemania for THIS?"

"You can eat the ice cream in our freezer."

"Done." I lead him into the kitchen and he opens the freezer and gets out a pint of Ben and Jerry's and settles down in the dining room where he can't be seen from the living room.

"Sean?"

"Yea?"

"I've never done this before... but would you like to hear a song i wrote?"

"I'd love to." I pick up my guitar.

"I wrote it a couple of days ago and did the tabs yesterday... so it's not really practiced." I start to sing.

"you keep telling me i'm beautiful

but i feel a little less soul each time

your love is so colorful

it flashes like a neon sign

but i finally drove out where

the sky is dark enough to see stars

and i found i missed no one

just listening to the swishing of distant cars

i hope i never see

the ocean again

pushing and pulling at me

as i go deeper and deeper in

til i'm so far from my shore

so far from what i came here for

i let you surround me

i let you drown me

out with your din

and then i learned how to swim

i was floating above myself

watching her do just what you wanted

poor little friendly ghost

wondering why her whole house feels haunted

i told myself i was strong enuf

that i had plenty of blood to give

and each elbow cradled a needle

but listless and faint ain't no way to live

so i hope i never see

the ocean again

pushing and pulling at me

as i go deeper and deeper in

til i'm so far from my shore

so far from what i came here for

i let you surround me

i let you drown me

out with your din

and then i learned how to swim

and you keep telling me i'm beautiful

but i feel less and less so each time

your love is so colorful

it flashes like a neon sign

but i finally drove out where

the sky is dark enuf to see the stars

and i found i missed no one

just listening to the swishing of distant cars"

By the time i'm done, i'm nervous about what he's going to say, but Sean stands up andclaps and I blush.

"That was amazing... I saw you, not Delia McKenzie, the confident girl everyone sees at school, but i saw the other Delia, the shy, nervous, quiet, unconfident Delia."

"Right." The doorbell rings and Sean sits back down as I get up and touch my hair and open the door.

"Craig."

"Delia."

"Come in."I close the door and sit down on the couch.

"How are you?"

"Cut the crap. What do you want?"

"I saw J.T. today at the park." He pusts his hand on my leg and I try to push it off but he won't move it.

"So? I saw J.T. today also."

"He was with Manny."

"Psh. Probably telling her to go away and get over him AND you."

"They looked pretty cozy to me..."

"How would you know, Craig? Seems as if you've never been able to hold down a quality relationship!"

"Delia-"

"Really, Craig. I don't understand why you're pushing this. I'm a fucking basketcase, i am VERY suicidal, Craig, and yet you still like me. I don't understand you."

"I like you more than J.T. does, I always have, and I like you so much, and you don't like me! I have to have you, Delia." He pushes me down on the couch and kisses me as Sean runs in and pulls him off of me.

"Man, What do you think you're doing?" Sean yells and I run out of the room and into the garage.


	17. Talking in My Sleep

**Chapter 17**

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I wish i did though, I want Jake Epstein.

**Talking In Your Sleep**

I hadn't talked to Craig in three weeks. It was now the week before Winter Holiday, and all the teachers were feeling lazy, so We didn't have much homework. Mrs. Kwan assigned for us to write a poem for English.

"Who would like to read their poem first?" She says and Ashley raises her hand and she nods.

"you can dangle your carrot

but i ain't gonna reach for it

cuz i need both my hands

to play my guitar

and life is a sleazy stranger

who looks vaguely familiar

flirting with a bimbo named disaster

at the end of the bar

and i am telling you that i am different

than you are

at night when you're asleep

self hatred's going to creep in

you can try to blame it on the devil

the one who's bed you sleep in and don't tell me what they did to you

as though you had no choice

tell me, isn't that your picture?

isn't that your voice?

if you don't live what you sing about

your mirror is going to find out

i'd like to go to all the pretty parties

where all the pretty people go

and i ain't really all that pretty

but nobody will know cuz everybody loves you

when you're a star and nobody questions

what it takes to go that far

and life is a sleazy stranger

and this is his favorite bar

no i don't prefer obscurity

but i'm an idealistic girl

and i wouldn't work for you

no matter what you paid

and i may not be able

to change the whole world but i could be the million

that you never made."

"And what inspired this?" Mrs. Kwan asks.

"It's for all the people who ever turned me down, or never believed in me, i guess."

"Very good. Delia, why don't you go next?" I stand up.

"she went over to his apartment

clutching her decision

and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?

so she built a skyscraper of procrastination

and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window

of her reply

and she felt like an actress

just reading her lines

when she finally said

yes. it's really goodbye this time

and far below was the blacktop

and the tiny toy cars

and it all fell so fast

and it all fell so far

and she said:

you are a miracle but that is not all

you are also a stiff drink and i am on call

you are a party and i am a school night

and i'm lookin' for my door key

but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear

just how much i loved you

you'll probably think this was

just my big excuse

but i stand committed

to a love that came before you

and the fact that i adore you

is but one of my truths

but then what kind of scale

compares the weight of two beauties

the gravity of duties

or the ground speed of joy?

tell me what kind of gauge

can quantify elation?

what kind of equation

could i possibly employ?

and you'll never know, dear

just how much i loved you

you probably think this was

just my big excuse

but i stand committed

to a love that came before you

and the fact that i adore you

is just one of my truths

so i'm goin' home

to please the one i so love pleasing

and i don't expect

he'll have much sympathy for my grieving

but i guess that this is the price

that we pay for the privilege

of living for even a day

in a world with so many things

worth believing

in."

I look up from my paper and see Craig staring at me.

"Okay.. that was amazing, Delia. Craig, how about you go next?"

He looks at me and starts his poem. "And if I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean,

Swim out to where you were floating in the dark.

And if was blessed, I'd walk on the water you're breathing,

To lend you some air for that heaving sunken chest.

'Cause they chose you as the model for their empty little dreams,

With your new head and your legs spread like a filthy magazine.

And they hunt you, and they gut you, and you give in..

And if I was brave, I'd climb up to you on the mountain,

They led you to drink from their fountain, spouting lies.

And I'd slay the horrible beast they commissioned

To steer me away from my mission to your eyes.

And I'd stand there, like a soldier, with my foot upon his chest,

With my grin spread, and my arms out, in my bloodstained Sunday's best,

And I'd hold you, and remind you who you are.. under their shell...

I'd walk through hell for you, let it burn right through my shoes

These soles are useless without you

Through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;

My soul is useless without you...

And if they send a whirlwind, I'd hug it like a harmless little tree

Or an earthquake, I'd calm it, and I'd bring you back to me,

And I'd hold you in my weak arms like a first born

Now I've walked through hell for you

What's an adventurer to do,

But rest these feet at home with you?"

'I'm screwed.' I think, walking out of the classroom. The bell had just rung.

"Did you HEAR Craig's poem, Delia? it was kind of obvious that i was about you."

"I feel really bad now, El. Totally guilty. I think i'm going to cut lunch and go home. I really need to think."

"Well... okay. I'll see you later. Are you going to Jimmy's party tonight?"

"Yup. I'll see you later... do you want me to pick you up?"

"Yea. Later."

I drop my books off at my locker and walk out of school with no problem and walk out to my car. Once i'm in my car my cell phone rings and i look at the Caller ID. It's Ashley.

"Deel, wait for us." I look to my right and see Ashley and Ellie running out and i unlock the doors and they come in. I turn around in my seat and grin at Ash.

"Are we having a girl's day or what?"

[A/N: Ashley and Delia's poems are from 'The Million You Never Made' and 'School Night' by Ani DiFranco, and Craig's Poem is from 'Walk Through Hell' from the movie _Say Anything... _]


	18. We've Got The Beat

**We've Got The Beat**

Disclaimer: me no own Degrassi. me own Delia McKenzie. me wishing me owned Jake Epstein.

"How wonderful life is, now you're in the worldd!" The three of us sing along with Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman in my bedroom, me sitting on the floor flipping through my scrapbook, Ashley looking in my closet, and Ellie staring intently at the poster of Ewan McGregor on my celing. It's been about 3 hours since we left, and we're having so much fun.

"Can I borrow this for the party tonight? It's really cute!" Ashley says, holding up a red shirt with the words 'it took me too long to realize that i don't take good pictures' on the front and on the back it says 'cuz i have the kind of beauty that moves- ani d.' in white.

"Sure. I made it... its one of those shirts i wear when i'm in a feminist mood, you know?"

"Yea... right." she says, and giggles. Someone's knocking on my door.

"Come in!"

Anaheid enters and says, "Here are your new posters. Do you guys want anything to eat?" She places the packing tube down.

"Peanut Butter. Bring me anything with peanut butter and i'll eat it." I say.

"Do you have Oreos? I've been dying for an Oreo all day." Ashley says.

"Sprite, if you don't mind." Ellie adds as Cobain comes running in and into my lap and i hug her.

"I'll be back in ten. Have fun!" Anaheid shuts my door. I reach out for the poster tube as Cobain runs over and sniffs Ashley.

I dance as i open the tube and see posters for somemore of my favorite movies and actors, like James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, _Dirty Dancing_, _Less Than Zero_, David Bowie, _Zoolander, Ferris Bueller's Day Off,_ Madonna in her infamous 'Vogue' pose, and _Josie and The Pussycats_.

"_Josie and The Pussycats_? That movie was lame!" Ellie says.

"I know, but i love it. It's hilarious. Wanna watch it?" I pop the DVD in the DVD player and we spend the next two hours watching it.

"That movie is hilarious. Very underappreciated." Ashley says. "I have dancing energy. I need to DANCE, now!" I run downstairs and grab my sister's 'NSYNC albums.

I hold them up and said, "Pop music. Terribly annoying, but it works for dancing." I pop in Celebrity and we dance around for about a half hour. When we're done, we turn around and see Marcus standing in my door way clutching his stomach with laughter.

"What's so funny?" I say, frowning.

"Three alternative girls, dancing to NSYNC at 6:00. Funny to me!"

I laugh and ask, "What's up?"

"Stephanie, Amanda, Sirisha, and Shannon are here for the dress fittings. You didn't forget, did you?"

"Oh SHIT. I did! How long's it going to take? I've got a party tonight."

"Only about 20 minutes for you." Marcus looks at Ashley and Ellie. "You wanna see Delia in an ass-ugly dress?"

"They really are. They should be burned." They laugh and nod their heads and we head downstairs.

"Delia! How are you?!" Amanda, Clarke's best friend and my mentor comes up to me and hugs me. "Who are these wonderful girls?" She walks up to Ashley and Ellie and puts her hand out to them and introduces herself.

"Amanda Mitchell? As in the Amanda Mitchell, songwriter for some of the biggest and best bands in the world?" Ashley exclaims.

"That would be me. It's fantastic to meet you two." She turns toward me. "Cute hair. Have you been copying me?" Her black hair had been cut in a short pixie, and she had different shades of pink running through it.

"Delia!" Stephanie, Sirisha and Shannon all come running up to me and hugs are all around.

"Come on, come on in you guys." Clarke shoos us in and there are three ladies there with tape measurers.

Amanda whispers in my ear, "Have you noticed that when Clarke marries Marcus, she'll be Clarke Kent?"

I giggle quietly and whisper that to Ashley and Ellie and they giggle with us as Clarke comes out in this ivory colored strapless dress with a champagne border and a sweep train.

"I guess it's not gonna be a White Wedding." I whisper and we dissolve into a fit of giggles.

Amanda, Sirisha, Shannon, and Stephanie get up and go and get changed into their bridesmaids dresses. They all come out in dresses in the ugliest color I have ever seen in my life and the look on their faces is priceless. The dress is a beaded satin cut ballgown with a beaded rear invert in army green. Yea. Army green.

It's quiet for a few moments and then Amanda has the balls to say, "Clarke, I love you, but this is the ugliest color I have seen in my life." She nods her head and says, "I agree! I totally agree." and starts laughing. "I like the purple better. Let's go for the purple." They all go into the bathroom and come out looking amazing in purple. They take the alterations down and then it's my turn.

My dress is a halter ballgown dress in lilac with embroidery, and I love it and it's obvious everyone else does too. They do my alterations and I say bye to everyone, and then the three of us run back upstairs giggling.

"Amanda is so cool! I thought she would be snobby, but she's just like us!" Ellie says, now she's standing at my closet and holding up a The Who t-shirt. and says,  
"Borrowing for tonight."

I nod and say, "Let's get dressed!" So we all get dressed and head into my car where I blast music from _Moulin Rouge!_ and we sing 'The Show Must Go On' until we arrive at Jimmy's house. It's eight and the party is jumping. Ellie sees Sean and goes and hangs out with him, Ashley sees a boy in her English class named Marshall and I go and join J.T. and Emma in their dancing.

By nine-thirty I'm smashed and so is practically everyone else at the party. I've danced with Sean twice, Spinner once, Ellie and Ashley twice, Paige three times, and J.T seven times.

I'm sitting in the car making out with J.T. at the end of the party, and I'm thinking about how i'm not supposed to be here but this is right so right and I know that J.T. and I are so right for eachother but Craig want to stop that no matter what like trying to make me jealous of him but i wan't bwecause i don't like him that way no I don't i don't think so i don't think so no even though I never meant to say yes to J.T. I did it on impulse but that was a good impulse i know it because I would'nt be here if it wasn't and J.T and I are connected by cosmic telepathy I know it but Craig has kissed me before I i felt something and how do i feel about J.T. i don't actually know anymore because even though I've ripped everything that Craig ever gave me he still matters to me and I once thought we were meant to be together but we're not no we're not no no no I've got J.T. right i'm in love with Craig no not Craig J.T. i love James Tiberius Yorke.

I look up and see this sad expression on J.T.'s face and I realize that I've said this all out loud especially the ones I never wanted anyone else to hear.

[A/N: I want to thank Ashbo for putting my story on her favorite stories list! Anyways I used the David's Bridal description on the dresses. And if you're wondering, that last paragraph was written like that because that seems as if that would be the way a drunk person would write it- it's based on a diary entry in Megan McCafferty's amazing book Second Helpings, so the next few chapters might be like that book... not the diary entry format, but somewhat that plot.

Amanda]


	19. Safety Dance

**Safety Dance**

I am never getting drunk again.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to start making public-service annoucements against the evils of drinking. I think my trouble have more to do with being _me _than drinking. Amanda's boyfriend's death certianly wasn't the only reason I'd never experimented. Even before I knew he was an alkie, I had a feeling my body chemistry would not take well to any illicit substances. I mean, I'm not very good sober, so why would I do any bettter at getting drunk?

I was never afraid of turning into a character from one of the hilarious videos they show you in health class- you know, the tweak freak who thinks she can fly and flings herself of the roof with wildly flapping wings, or the innocent girlfriend who goes from pothead to smackhead to crackhead in one long, druggy weekend with her bad-news boyfriend. No, my concerns were far less dramatic than that. I was worried that any drugs, any drink, would reveal things that I'd rather keep undercover.

And I was right.

I spent all Saturday in bed and didn't answer the phone the whole time. I watched _Beaches_ and cried. On sunday I woke up at 4:30 and called J.T.

"J.T!"

"Delia," he replied, his voice as fixed and chilly as an uncracked try of ice cubs [a/n: nice analogy!]

"Uh... I..."

"We need to talk about Friday night,"

"Uh... that's why I called..."

"Let's meet at The Dot at six."

"Oh. Okay. I thought we could-"

"The Dot at six," he said, cutting me off. "See you."

I arrived ten minutes ealy to compose myself. Little did I know there would be a third party in this summit and he would already be seated at a booth when I arrived.

"I'm not surprised. Why am I here?" Craig asked, genuinely baffled.

"Oh shit." I slid in the banquette across the table from him. "What did J.T say?"

"Nothing. I could tell he was really upset but won'tsay why. He just told me to be here. What happened?"

"I got really drunk and said somethings i really shouldn't of."

"Did you like it?"

"I don't like the fact that J.T's mad at me."

"Good enough," he said, taking the straw out of his soda. "But why am I here?"

"Uh... I... Uh..." Before I could answer the question myself, J.T. arrived at the table.

"Hey," said Craig.

"Hey," said J.T.

"Uhohheyimsohappytoseeyou!" I said. I jumped up to hug him. He kept his arms at his sides at first but then returned my embrace. He sat down next to me, which was a good sign, I thought.

J.T. cleared his throat. "Last night, under the influence of Alcohol, a drug that is often referred to as a truth serum for its ability to weaken one's defenses and reveal one's innermost desires, Delia said something that disturbed me a great deal..."

J.T. continues talking for a very, very long time, and i watch in amazement, wondering if Liberty had jumped into his skin.

"In conclusion, I need to know what happened between you two that made her say what she said. You are a friend of mine," he said glancing at Craig. "You are my girlfriend," he said, turning to me. "I should hope you will extend me the courtesy of honesty." Jeez, Liberty did make a border-jump.

Craig and I didn't say anything because we were'nt sure if J.T. was finished or not. He wasn't quite.

"So the question remains," he said calmly. "What happened between you two?"

Now he was done. Craig and I were still silent beause neither of us had an answer for such a simple question. We lookedat eachother haplessly, helplessly.

Finally, Craig stepped up.

"Nothing happened between us."

"Then what was she talking about?"

Craig looked at me. "I'm going to tell him," he said, very seriously.

"Uh..." I replied, not knowing what he was going to say.

"I asked Delia out during the first week of school. But she turned me down," he said. "It was pretty humiliating, actually."

J.T. put his hand on my arm. "Is that true?"

"Uh..." I replied.

"So nothing happened, J.T.," Craig said, sensing my hesitation. "Don't worry about anything Jessica might have said under the influnse. Take it from someone ho knows. Alcohol has way of really fucking with your subconsious in a awy that bears little resemblance to what's real. It's why people drink to begin with."

"What about now, Craig?"

"What about now?"

"Do you still have feelings for my girlfriend?"

"Don't take this the wrong way," he said. "But I never _really_ wanted your girlfriend. I just wanted to see if I could." He's lying. I know it. The way he's not looking J.T. in the eye.


	20. You Give Love A Bad Name

**You Give Love A Bad Name**

(one month later)

Imagine the coldest, cruelest, most cringe-worthy epsode of MTV's Dismissed.

One in which the guy pretends to like one girl, even though her competition for the guy's affections is hotter and whorier than she could ever be. So the guy really plays it up, and the ugly girl thinks she has a shot, even though it's obvious to everyone else-- the hotter, whorier girl, the camera crew, the viewing audience- that she will be humiliated- harshly- at the end of the half hour. But the ugly girl doesn't see this; she's blinded by the guy's charms. And she gets excited thinking about how personality has won out over whoriness, and fantasizing about her future with this great guy. Then when is comes time for the Dismissal, the guy who has restored her faith in the opposite sex turns to the girl and says, "I wouldn't do you if you were the last piece of pussy on the planet." And then he looks right into the camera and laughs and laughs and laughs.

That's about one-bazzilionth as bad as what happened to me today, when J.T. did the thing he assured me he would never do. He broke my heart on Valentine's Day.

J.T.'s Dumping Speech:

"It's not you. It's me. And it's also my mom. She really doens't like you very much, and it's made it difficult to spend time with you, and I though it would be hard to continue a relationshitp with someone I can never see. Also, my future is very important to me and I can't help buit fell that since i've been with you, my priorites have shifted but not in a positive, productive way. Lately I have realized that we had opposing views on important suject, including, but not limited, sexual relations before marriage. I feel that I've gotten all I can from this life experience, and that the best thing for both of us is if we put an end to this now, so we can move on to a more fufilling future." Liberty, get out of there!

When I didn't respond, he shook my hand in a very businesslike way, then departed.

J.T. broke up with ME. ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

I guess its better than his breaking up with me the day after Valentine's Day, knowing all along that he wanteded to break up with me on Valentine's Day.

NO IT'S NOT. IT STILL SUCKS.

I went home and cried and slept.

The next morning I had about 5 messages on my phone.

"Guess what?" I heard Paige's voice ring through my ears. "J.T. broke up with you so he could hook up with Manny. I'm so sorry, Del." You got it. I'd always though Manny was after Craig again, but she was after J.T. And she got him. Just like she gets every guy she's ever gone after. Ever. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. And I was too obsessed with the idea of her seducing Craig to even notice.

Serves me right. How did my life become tabloid fodder? Because I'm a moron. Take my brain for scientific rsearch, I apparently don't need it.

I went back to school a week later, still sad. Amanda had told me to practice conducting myself with quiet, dignified grace.

One of Manny's little friends comes up behind me in the hall before homeroom. "Omigod! Don't you just want to die when you see J.T. and Manny together?" She shrieks.

"I haven't seen them.

"Look!" Then she grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me in the opposite direction, just in time to see J.T. kiss Manny on the hand in parting, like he was a knight and se was a goddamned damsel or something. 'Quiet, dignified grace,' I thought to myself.

"Omigod! Don't you want to _die_?"

"No," I said calmly. "Not really."

"If _my _boyfriend humiliated _me _the way J.T. leveled _you_, I would want to _die_!"

"Well, it's a good thing that you do't have a boyfriend, isn't it?" I replies in a tone as sickly sweet and artificial as Equal. "Come to think of it, you've _never_ had a boyfriend, have you?"

That shut her up and sent her stoming into homeroom.I had my eyed closed and my head pressed against my locker door when i felt a tap on my shoulder. I had a very definite idea of who I wanted it to be.

"Um, Delia."

Instead I got the last person I wanted to see.

_Quiet, dignified grace_, I reminded myself as I opened my eyes.

"What is it, J.T."

"I just wanted to. Um. Apologize for hurting you."

I held up my hands to cut him off.

"First of all, spare me your apology becasue it's more abougt making yourself feel less guilty than it is about looking for forgiveness. Second of all, don't flatter yourself by thinking you hur mt. you're either an egomanic or a psychotic like your mother if you tihnk you hurt me."

Yeah, that's right. I sunk to a yo mama lever. Whatever. He deserved it.

"You blindsided me, that's for sure. And I was pissed off. Not so much about you hoking up with Manny, beasue everyone knows you're just the latest trick in her hobad. No, I was pissed for only one reason: you broke up with me before I had the chance to break up with you. And that makes me an even bigger asshole than you are. But at least _I_ know it!" When I fisihed, there was applause, I was so taken with my tirade that I hadn't noticed the crowd of onlookers. Paige, Spinner, Sean, Emma, and a whole bunch of faces I didn't even recognize were all clapping as J.T. slunk away, feeling every inch the huge sphincter he is.

Thelast bell rand and the odies scattered toward thier respective homerooms. That when I finally heard his voice from behind.

"So much for quiet, dignified grace," Craig said, his lips pressed together, and his arms folded over the picture of Sid Vicious on his chest.

"Not my style," I said, wondering how he knew. "I'm more of a loud, offensive mess."

"Yes," he said, slowly breaking into the grin I know so well. "Yes, you are."

As we walked into homeroom together, I decided that his assurance of okayness was better late than never.

[A/N: What do you think? This chapter is sort of confusing, but basically J.T. dumps Delia, Delia stays home, J.T hooks up with Manny, Delia lectures J.T., and Craig reassures Delia. If anyone has noticed, all of the episode titles are 80's songs. If you can name everyone and the artist who sang them, you will be a character in my next story!]


	21. Hey Little Girl

**Hey Little Girl**

April 23rd, 2004. My sister is no longer Clarke Jenna McKenzie, she is Mrs. Marcus Kent, or Mrs. Clarke Kent. I sat in the all-white dressing room with the rest of the bridesmaids; my cousin Jessica, who is a Junior Bridesmaid, and Shannon's 4- year old, Mercedes, the flower girl. Amanda was looking through my red notebook.

"This one. Why isn't it finished?" pointing to the one I started writing on the first day of school.

"I never got around to it, what, with everything going on."

"Well, finish it now. You've got ten minutes." She hands me a pen and my notebook.

I pick up the pen and start writing. _'i opened the fire door_

_to four lips_

_none of which were mine_

_kissing_

_tightened my belt around my hips_

_where your hands were missing_

_and stepped out into the cold_

_collar high_

_under the slate gray sky_

_the air was smoking and _

_the streets were dry_

_and i wasn't joking when i said_

_good bye_

_there were _

_magazine quality men _

_talking on the corner_

_french, no less much less of them then us_

_so why do i feel like _

_something's been rearranged?_

_you know, taken out of context _

_i must seem so strange_

_killed a _

_cockroach so big_

_it left a puddle of pus on the wall_

_when you and i are lying in bed you don't you don't _

_you don't seem so tall_

_i'm singing now _

_because my tear ducts are too tired_

_and my _

_mind is disconnected but my _

_heart is wired_

_i make such a good statistic_

_someone should study me now_

_somebody's got to be interested in how i feel_

_just 'cause i'm here_

_and i'm real_

_oh, how i miss_

_substituting the conclusion to confrontation with a kiss_

_and oh, how i miss_

_walking up to the edge and jumping in_

_like i could feel the future on your skin_

_i opened the fire door_

_to four lips_

_none of which were mine_

_kissing_

_i opened the fire door'_

By the time I'm done, my cell phone's going off and it's playing 'Purple Haze', so I know it's Ellie.

"Hey."

"Hey, Ash, Spinner, Paige, and Marco are here with me inside the church. They thank you for inviting us."

"It's fine. Emma, and Sean are all coming later, right?"

"Yup. Sister is so nice for inviting u- Shut up SPINNER!"

"What did he say?"

"He said your sister is a total babe."

"Give him a good hard wack for me. I'll see you guys in a few minutes, I have to go."

"Talk to you later. We'll try and make you laugh from our seats." I laugh and hang up the phone and walk into the hallway.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here to join together this woman and this man in matrimony which is an honorable estate. If anyone should show just cause, why they may not be joined together in matrimony, speak now, or forever hold your peace," Reverend Michaels said. "Marcus, will you take Clarke to be your lawfully wedded wife ? Will you love her, comfort her, honor her, and keep her in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"I do." Marcus commented.

"And Clarke," he says, turning to Clarke. "Will you take Marcus to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honor him, and keep him in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"I do." Clarke replied.

"Marcus, repeat after me. I, Marcus Kent, take you, Clarke McKenzie, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

" I, Marcus Kent, take you, Clarke McKenzie, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." Marcus says, placing he ring on her finger.

"Clarke, repeat after me. I, Clarke McKenzie, take you, Marcus Kent, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

"I, Clarke McKenzie, take you, Marcus Kent, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." Clarke says, placing the ring on his wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." Clarke says, placing the ring on his finger.

"By the power vested in me, by the province of Ontario, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

It was so beautiful, I burst into tears when they kissed. All through the ceremony, Ashley and Marco were pretending to argue and Amanda and I were trying as hard as we could not to laugh.

At the reception, I danced with everyone who asked me to- Marcus's father, Marcus, Dylan, Sean, Marco, Ellie, Ashley, Spinner, and Clarke. We'd eaten dinner, and I had made my toast. Now I was outside the resturant, cooling down by myself.

"Hey. You okay?" a voice behinds me says.

"Yea, I'm fine. Why are you asking?" I don't turn around.

"Because I care. Delia. You've got to stop worrying."

I turn around slowly. "Craig?" I walk away as fast as I can but he grabs my arm and spins me around.

"Why are you mad at me?"

"Did you know that J.T. was going to break up with me?"

His posture relaxed, and he put his hands in his pockets.

"Everyone knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He clasped his hands in front of his chin, as in in prayer.

"Because you told me to stay out of your business," he said.

I snorted. "That never stopped you before."

He squeezed his hands tighter. "Delia, I want to talk about what happened."

"No," I said, getting hot and jumpy. I don't know what it was about his not telling me about J.T.that had anything to do with anything. All I knew was that I was upset by the notion of his knowing something about my ex-boyfriend that I didn't.

"I want to talk about this. You claim that you want to stay out of my business, but then you go ahead and get involved, anyway."

"I can't believe you're getting upset at me. I only wanted what was best for you."

"That's not your responsibility," I said.

"And why not?" he asked, his body rigid with tension.

"Well, you're not my boyfriend."

"Being your boyfriend will not make this any more real, Delia. I've been a boyfriend of many other girls, and non of those relationships were real."

"Well, neither is this one."

He too a step toward me, and I backed away. He leaned in so close that I could really hear him.

"When are you going to stop doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Pushing me away."

"I am not pushing you away," I said shakily. Amanda had accused me of doing the exact same thing.

"Oh, yes you are," he said, louder this time, placing his large, calloused hands on my shoulders to keep me in my place. "You are doing your best to push me away. And you know what? I'm finally going to do you a favor and not push back. You want me out of your life? Consider me out."

Then he walked away.

"So there is something going on between you two." Ashley said, coming up behind me.

I ran down the street, across the road, through the forest, into my house and jumped onto my bed.. I tried to escape his word but they kept repeating themselves over and over again inside my head.


	22. Rebel Yell

**Rebel Yell**

[A/N: This chapter is going to be really short... kind of a segway chapter, I guess.]

Amanda stayed with me all weekend, bringing me Ben and Jerry's, sitting with me in my bedroom, watching _Beaches_, listening to Nirvana. Mr. and Mrs. Kent were in St. Croix on their goddamned honeymoon. Clarke wasn't speaking to me after running out on their wedding, but fuck her and her goddmaned husband.

"Delia, guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm pregnant." Amanda said to me, glowing.

"REALLY? But- I thought Ryan couldn't-"

"She's a miracle baby."

"She?"

"She. I already know. She's going to be named Anastasia Jordan. I'm so excited!" She squeals. "So I'm going to be here for the next seven months!"

"You're staying with us?! Until you have the baby? SWEET!" I look at the clock. "Now get out. I'm expecting a phone call." She giggles and leaves the room. I turn on my stereo and Oasis starts singing about how they don't like they know you and wait for the phone to ring.

Seven hours later, it still hasn't. I'd eaten a whole plate of Shrimp Pad Thai, and a pint on Cherry Garcia, no phone call.

"I guess Craig isn't going to call. He was serious." I say to myself as I fall asleep.

The next morning, I put on my black Kurt Cobain Teenage T-Shirt and a black skirt and a floppy black hat with a veil.

"Who's funeral?" Amanda says as I come in to the kitchen.

"April Eighth, Amanda! April Eighth." I walk into the bathroom and apply eyeliner and mascara and go out to my car.

Ellie and Ashley are all wearing all black in mourning of the 11th anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death, we have a moment of silence in my car with 'All Apologies' playing in the background. it was during that moment of silence I knew what I was going to do about Craig.

I went through the whole day, writing down Nirvana lyrics in my notebook, listening to Nirvana during passing time and lunch, reading Kurt Cobain: Journals. The school day had just ended I was in my car when I saw Craig walking home. I rolled down my window and shouted, "Craig!" he doesn't look at me. "Come on, Craig. I know you hear me."

He looks at me and says, "What do you want?!"

"To talk. Get in." I say, leaning over and opening the shotgun door as he runs across the street and gets in.

"I'm here. Let's talk." I don't listen to him, but I turn up Nirvana's Cover of a great David Bowie song. "Where are you going?"

I drive and drive, until I get to a cliff.

"What the HELL are you doing?" He says as I get out.

"Listen to me. Forgive me, we get back into the car, everything's okay. Don't, you say your goodbyes to me now because I will jump." I say, sitting on the top of my car.

He joins me on the car and says, "Okay, talk."

"I'm sorry, okay? I guess the reason why I was pushing you away was because I didn't know how I felt about you... i've written songs about you, trying to help me figure them- my feelings, out."

"Can I hear one?" Now that was not the reaction I was expecting.


	23. Purple Rain

**Purple Rain**

[A/N: This chapter is the reason it gets a PG-13 rating! But you have to read it

"It's not that great." I say, getting my guitar out from the backseat.

"Play it anyway."

"Fine." I place my hands on my guitar and start singing.

_"I confess, yes, our fall was all my fault_

_If you kissed my eyes, your lips would taste salt_

_but you think my regret is a lie, and the tears I cry_

_are the crocodile kind._

_The sweat on your upper lip starts to boil_

_white hot with anger, still convinced I'm your foil_

_you keep fighting me, though my eyes are free _

_from crocodile lies._

_You, yes, you, linger inside myheart_

_The same you who stopped us before we could start_

_I didn't want to leave, but you began to believe _

_Your own crocodile lies._

_The only person stopping you is yourself,_

_you won't accept that I want no one else,_

_so until you do, I won't let anyone else have you_

_Everyday, I live the lie_

_but not the crocodile kind."_

How do you react to something like that? How? How do you react when you realize the exact opposite of what you've been telling yourself is true? Let's get more specific: How will _he_ react when he finds out that I wanted him the whole time? Or maybe he doesn't want me and this is just another move in his ways to get into my pants? How do I react when I have no clue how Craig is feeling?

Dazed, I turn to him.

"I wanted you to be happy," I said.

"Happy," He said.

"I didn't know you when you asked me out, so I guess I thought I might want to be with someone I knew slightly more than you." I said.

"You," He said.

"So that's why I went with J.T, to see how you really felt about me, to help me out with my insecurites," I said,

"Help," He said.

"My unhappiness with him just proved that you and I should be together."

"Together."

"But I was just as scared to be with you as you are to be with me... So what do you think?"

"Why now?" He asked. "Why tell me all this now?"

"Because I'm leaving."

I went on to tell him that months ago I had applied to a boarding school in London, and they hadn't contacted me about my application. They called me last week and that they wanted to interview me, but it seemed as if I was in anyway. I looked at the ground as I said this, I couldn't bare too look him in the eye.

"Are you quiet because you're surprised or because you're sad?"

"Neither." he said. "I'm quiet because we've done enough talking." He then took my face in his hands and pressed his mouth to his, long and wet. we quickly hopped into my car, never letting go of eachother's hands, and we drove to my house. We were all alone and unchaperoned because Amanda was at the doctor's and Mr. and Mrs. Kent were still on their honeymoon. We, without speaking, and barely breathing, slowly and nervously and tenderly undressed eachother, and even more slowly and nervously and tenderly made love in my bed, on my black- and- white flowered sheets that smelled like vanilla, and I was losing my virginity exactly the way I wanted to.

It was well worth it, if you ignore the thing about my dad.

Holy shit, was it worth it.

Right before I was about to drift into slumberland, my eyes popped open. I suddenly remembered that I need to ask him a question.

"Craig?"

"Yes?"

"What's your middle name?"

"Daniel."

"Like Boone, the explorer?"

"No," he replied.

"Like Day-Lewis, the actor?"

"No," he replied.

"Then like who?"

"Like _me_."

"Thank you."

[A/N: I have no idea what Craig's middle name is, I just needed one. Anyways, only two more chapters left! sob sob and the poem is from Second Helpings by Megan McAfferty- if you read it or have read it, you'll see that some (most) of the storylines in this story are based on it.]


	24. Faith

**Faith**

[A/N: warning: arguement turns into fluff! fluff alert!]

Ellie shoved her yearbook in my arms and said, "You better write something good." I laugh and grab my pen. _'Ellie, you are radder than rad can be. I think that you and Sean are the longest running couple in all of Degrassi history, a year and a half! haha. Anyways, I've had a great time with you this year. Don't forget me. I'll be back, You don't know when, You don't know why, but I'll be back so be on the lookout. -Delia.' _She passed me back my yearbook.

Yep, It was June, three days before school was supposed to end. Craig and I had officially premiered as a couple on May 26th, Prom night, and everyone was okay with it. I'd signed everyone elses yearbook, even Manny and J.T.'s but not before recieving something I'd been waiting for.

"'Can I talk to you?"

It was Manny, all heaving bosom, body glitter, and a too-short skirt.

"I never got a chance to apologize for what happened between you and J.T.," she said.

"Why now?"

"Because this is it, isn't it? It's never going to be like this again. We'll see eachother from time to time, I'm sure, but it's never going to be like _this _again."

"Thank God."

"I just want you to know that J.T. and I are in love."

Ack.

"Manny, I understand that you want to apologize so you can go off into the summer with a clear conscience, but quite frankly, I don't really care about you and J.T. anymore."

"Then if you don't care, you can hear me out."

It was clear that she was hell-bent on unburdening her soul, so I gave her the go-ahead.

"Girls with low self-esteem have sex soonger, and more oftern, than girls with high self-esteem," she said.

"Oh, which must make me the queen of self-esteem." I snorted.

"Well, yes, actually..."

"Oh Christ, Manny, I am not in the mood for any of your bullshit."

"No, listen," she said. "But guys with low self-esteem postpone sex and have less of it than guys with high self-esteem."

I thought about this for a second. "Chicken or the egg."

"What?"

"Maybe the reason they have low self-esteem is because they're not getting laid. It's a chicken or the egg situation."

"Puh-leeze," She said, though I could tell I had stumped her. "That's not the point. The point is, I realized J.T. and I were both suffering from low self-esteem, which seems to stem from out sexual histories."

"Or lack there of."

"Right."

"Okay. That's fantastic. So are we done now?" I said, looking around for Craig.

"No. Listen," she said, grabbing my arm. "I realized we could help each other. And we have. I know you think he's just another gys, but J.T. is this first one I've truly cared about."

I didn't say anything.

"I'm just sorry that it went down the way it did, and I want to thank you for being as cool as you've been about it."

This was ad close to humane as Manny could ever get.

"Friends?" she asked as she extended her hand.

I know I was supposed to by pass her hand, bow down, and kiss her pedicured toes for her compassionate apology. Like hell I would.

"Whatever, Manny." and I walk away.

I grab Craig's yearbook out of his hands and hand him mine when we're at my locker. I write, _'Craig: There is nothing I can write in here that I won't be able to tell you in person. Forever, Delia.' _and hand it back, and we get into his car and drive to his house now that school was over.

I just realized. I can't write about love. It's harder than writing about sex.

As happy as I was to be alone with him I couldn't stop myself from asking the question that needed to be asked.

"If I ask you to tell me the truth about something, will you?"

Craig propped himself up of his elbow so we would be eye to eye. "I have never not told you the truth about anything," he said.

"That's subject to debate," I said.

"What subject _isn't_ up for debate?" he countered.

"An honest answer to the question I'm about to ask you is not subject to debate," I replied.

"Okay. Ask me."

"What about the girls?" I asked.

"The girls..." he replied.

"How many girls before me?" I'd heard from several people at school that Craig was a player and spent all summer fucking any person with a vagina.

He buried his face in my neck and groaned. "Why do you need to ask me that?"

"Why do you need to keep the truth from me?"

"Because I don't like to talk about it."

"Why? Because you feel guilty?"

"Not exactly."

"Then why?"

"I'm at peace with my moral failings."

"So you didn't think that anything you'd ever done is wrong?" I was about gather my clothes and leave at this point.

"I just don't see the poing in beating myself up. I tihnk it's more productive to conventrate of being a better person rightn now that punishing my self for who I was in the past."

This was is. I'd been holding back for months about this. Manny may have forgiven him, but it was time for _me_ to get it out of _my _system.

"How can you not feel any guilt for cheating my on my best friend and getting that girl pregnant and killing the baby because you thought with one of your organs?"

"That is-" he caught himself. "That was the old Craig, not the Craig you know."

"Oh really?"

"Yea," He said. "Yea, I thought with my organ, but it was a mistake. I loved Ashley, but she pressured me too much for me to be the perfect boyfriend, so we could get married and have perfect children and live in a perfect house. That wasn't me."

I knew it was the truth.

"Then why'd you do it with Manny?"

"To see how I felt about Ash. Or to test my feelings about myself. It depended on where I was."

"Do you miss her?"

"Never."

"Really? Not ever?"

"Never," he replied. "Life is actually more interesting without her. Manny complicated me."

"Why did you let people think you were a Super Stud when you weren't?"

"Because I've learned that you can't control what othe rpeople are going to think about you. The best you can do in life is not piss yourself off."

That was a very profound observation, I thought. I would be much better off if I lived by it. Then I started thinking. If the Manny thing wasn't as true as I thought it was, maybe the stuff about the girls was all hype.

"So going back to my original question..."

"Delia..." he said, biting into his pillow.

"How many girls? Or was that highly exaggerated, too?"

He gritted his teeth in an embarrased smile that made it clear that the stuff about the girls hadn't been exaggerated one bit.

"Oh, Christ."

He took my hand.

"Delia, since the first time we really spoke, that time by your locker, you are the only one who has ever mattered. I don't want to talk about the girls before you because none of those girls matter to me now, just like J.T. doesn't matter to you now. Fortunately for us all, love does not worke on an exclusive first-come, first-served basis. Think of Spike and Mr. Simpson, or Ashley and Marshall, and everone else who would've missed out if it did."

He wanted to say more, I could tell.

"What?" I knew what he wanted to say. And I needed to hear him say it.

"So you aren't the first girl I've slept with. But it's the first time I felt like is was more that just fucking, it was making love, as hackneyed as it sounds.

It was totally the cliche of the perfect of a reformed male slut to say to the girl he's recently re-devirginized. But this time,I actually wanted to hear it. I needed to hear him say it because I knew it was the truth. I finally believed it. I believed _him_.

"Knowing you waited for so long, then picked me..." He stopped again. He pressed his fce into the space above my navel, his hands grasping my hipboned, as it to brace himself for what he was about to say. "It means more than you will ever know that you picked me to be your first."

"I just wish I hadn't been such a moron," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"We could've been together all year," I said. "Think of all the time we wasted."

"It's like I said before. There's no point in dwelling in the past," he said.

"But we could've spent so much more time together--"

"Delia," He inturrupted, pausing to lightly kiss the tip of my nose. "By going through what we have, we help each other be the poeple we're supposed to be."

"But..."

"As complicated and confusing as our courtship was, it happened the way it had to."

"But..."

"Delia, we were perfect in our imperfection."

"But..."

"We are the way we are supposed to be."

I pause to breathe in his scent. "Craig Daniel Manning."

"Delia Blair McKenzie."

"I love you." we whisper to eachother simultaniously.

[A/N: It's not the last chapter! There's one last chapter that's heartbreaking for our two favorite lovers.... Liberty and Towerz! Hahah just kidding. You know who.]


	25. Learning To Fly

**Learning to Fly**

School was over and Craig and I were at the fair. He'd beaten me by 120 points in Skeeball, and I kicked his ass at Whack-a-Mole. We'd both made fools of ourselves aon the Dance Dance Revolution game. We shared funnel cake and cotton candy. We giggled at forty-something broads wearing age-inappropiate clothing in flammable fabrics, and the beer-bellied men who beer-oggle them. But there was something I had to tell him something on the ferris wheel.

"Craig," I've been meaning to tell you something.

"What?"

"I'm going away."

"I know."

"But there's more. I signed up for this teen trip for the summer where we go across Europe and Australia."

He was silent.

"Be happy for me, Craig."

"That's..." He started. "Awesome!" he blurted out.

I didn't believe it for one second. Words that express excitement sound so weird coming out of his mouth. He is especially bad at expressing enthusiasm for others when he obviously doesn't feel it himself.

"It's a fantastic opportunity."

"Awesome. Wow. Awesome."

"You are a terrible liar." I said.

"How do you expect me to react? I thought we were going to have all of this time together his summer, and to find out we aren't is just..."

"Craig..."

He looked into his lap. "Why... didn't you tell me?"

I turned to face him directly, causing the car to quiver. "Because I wasn't sure if I wanted to go. I knew what if I told you before I knew for sure, you would try to persuade me to go because it's 'the right thing.' And I didn't want my decision to be based on what you thought was the best thing for me, but what I thought was the best thing for me."

"How do you know that I wasn't going to beg you to come on the road trip with me and Jimmy and Spin?"

"Because I know you."

"So when do you leave?"

"Well that's the thing." I paused. " I'm leaving next week."

"Next week? As in seven days from now."

"Six, actually."

"Six."

"Yes, Thursday." I say as I watch a frat boy try to urinate into a trash can.

"So we won't even have the summer?"

"No," and then very calmly i said: "But Craig, We have all the time in the world."

I truly believe this. I believe we have our whole lives together. Forever.

Craig and I leave the fair and he drives me home. I turn to him and hand him an envelope.

"Don't open it until you get home. Call me tomorrow." and I get out of the car and walk inside.

The letter says,_ **'I O.U., Craig Manning, one (1) round-trip airplane ticket from Ontario to London, completely paid for , during your next school vacation or at any other time that may be suitably convient for you during said flight, which ticket will be purchased immediately upon the phone call made to Miss McKenzie three (3) weeks before departure.'**_

I left a week later, sobbing, not wanting to let Craig go, but remembering I would be back in September for Amanda's birth.

"Don't forget me. Call every other day, write once a week." He said.

"Promise." he hands me a package and whispers,"Don't open this until you're on the plane."

I wave and grab my backpack, and blow kisses to everyone.

Once I'm on the plane, I open the present and find a CD of songs Craig's written for me. I open my backpack and grab one of his sweatshirts, brought along in case I get cold. On the cover of the CD he's written, 'Although what you are about to see is a work of fiction, it should nevertheless be played at maximum volume.'

"David Bowie," I whisper, tears rolling down my face. Craig knows I'll be back. I don't know when, or why, but sometime in the future. The future is now.

[A/N: SEQUEL ALERT! SEQUEL ALERT! if you want me to write one, post. I had a lot of fun writing this story, Ashbo, thank you for all of your positive comments!]


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